What happens if I give up?

Today I traveled into the shadows of my soul. I don’t have all the answers — just a heavy heart, and the quiet question: is this worth it?

I’m not sure why, but I just feel sad, defeated. Not every day is full of rainbows and butterflies, I guess.

When I quit my job at the end of 2023 I was certain that it was time for me to upgrade my existence. I wanted to do something meaningful, not only for me, but to the world. I wanted to contribute, even if it’s just 1% into creating a better place for my kid and his future family.

So, I took the courage to “kill the cow” and see if I can create new ways of living. I decided to chase a more fulfilling life where I could make money doing what I love. I wanted to show my kid that life is more than just working and paying the bills.

My thought process was: I’m already working hard to do my best everyday. I’m sacrificing family time for someone else’s business. I’ve been doing that for a while and I learned so many skills over the years. It’s time to graduate from this “school” and use my energy for my own business. I’m sure people will feel motivated by my passion and they will support me.

Well, it didn’t happen exactly as I thought it would.

In fact, most of my closed friends felt very triggered by my actions. An a few of them will fell triggered by this post...if they read it.

I had to learn very quickly how to feel good about myself without other people validation. Which was a wonderful lesson that I will carry with me forever. But it was painful. I felt lonely, betrayed, abandoned when I most needed. I didn’t think it was fair, since I was always ready to help them in the past.

I learned that when you change your habits, it’s natural that you will change your circle. That doesn’t mean those people were not good, but they are not aligned with the life I’m creating anymore, so it’s natural that they will fade away. I completely understand their point of view and I’m still here when they reach out. However, I’m fine if they don’t do it, if they don’t support me or judge me behind my back. Because, I learned to be happy with myself, I learned to recognize my light, even if they don’t see it. It doesn’t matter anymore.

That people pleaser is gone! Sorry, but not sorry!

It's also important to mention that a lot of us are going through this awakening and it is part of a phase the need to isolate from others. We are evolving and aligning with our divinity, and as we do it, we feel the urge to go inwards and clear the shadows. With that in mind, I understand that some of those friends didn't abandon me they were just going through this beautiful moment of remembering who they are, so they can show up in the world as a whole. I love that for them and, for that reason, I found it easy to forgive their absence.

That was when I found a group of people more aligned with my creation. It has been very nurturing. It is important to connect with others. We are social beings. The energy flows and expands better in a group. Every time we gather is magical. It works as a recharging of batteries for me.

So, I learned a tough lesson, forgave and received a gift. Make sense?

The business I should build was not fully clear to me and for months I felt so lost. I love artistic expression and I am a very spiritual person. But, I had no clue on how to put 2 and 2 together and make a profit. I spent hours on the internet and Youtube channels trying to figure it out.

I know that I need a coach, run ads maybe, learn marketing, SEO, funnels etc. But no money to invest on professional assistance/ guidance made it quite challenging. But with no budget for help, every free video came at a hidden cost: time I couldn’t afford. I got a lot of information, that I thought it was free, but, in reality, every month that I was still learning and not making any... was costing to my family.

We were struggling, things breaking in the house, we had to figure it out how to fix them by ourselves, my husband's health bringing us to extremely scary moments, food was coming from donations, mortgage not getting paid, credit cards maxed out, we were making a lottery to decide which bill was urgent each week.

We didn’t qualify to any financial assistance, which really pisses me off after paying so much in taxes. Well, it turns out that, as my old friends, the government also doesn’t align with my dreams…(sarcasm). I wonder why…(more sarcasm).

I went back to a job search, thinking that I needed to bring something to the table before is too late.

Hopefully, it’s not too late already.

Besides, I could still keep my business as a side hustle until things get better.

So, in February of 2025 I got a job. It was the most boring hours of my life. Don't get me wrong, I say that because there was absolutely NOTHING to do there all day. But, hey, I was getting paid to be there from 9-5, Monday-Friday and it was a 10min drive from my home. So, I did my best to make those boring hours fly by.

I felt like that was another gift from the Universe to help me to keep pursuing my dreams. I felt reinvigorated, back to life, back to a routine. It gave me more structure with my time. I was satisfied with my extra free time in the morning before work, since we wake up at 5am, no matter what (we have a GSD).

You know what I mean? I had the time to get myself in the perfect vibe to start my day with no rush or pressure. Everything was fine, until, after 2 months in the job, when they let people go, cause they couldn’t afford us anymore.

Universe, what now? I was so confused.

I was able to save just enough to invest on some business softwares/tools and my own website&domain. I took it as a Divine push to keep going. After that experience, I was more organized with my time. I created a routine, cleaned up my home office. And I felt more grounded and focused than before.

I’m still building my website, but I created enough to launch it on May 21st (Wedding Anniversary) at 11:11am!!!

I’m very proud of myself for setting up this goal and achieving it by completing a simple daily To do list. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but to me it was huge. Now, I have something that is mine where I offer Digital Printables of my art in a very affordable way. So, it’s accessible to everyone. It’s my own space were I can share my thoughts, my knowledge, my art creations in many different ways and connect with more people aligned with me.

My art is a calling. It's my contribution to a world that elevates us. It's my way to connect with Source or God, if you prefer. I love to create content that will sparkle motivation and good vibes. Cause, we are bombarded with fear and terror too much already. So, in a day like this, when I feel like giving up, I can find strength in myself again, even if I don’t get views or likes.

I’m not trying to have an easy way out. I’m just trying to provide for my family doing what I love. I want to believe that we can be happy in this world just by changing perspective and remember who we are serving with the light inside us. This light was given to us to serve a purpose and denying it is renouncing to a higher power. It is denying the meaning of creation.

I want to show to my kid that our dreams matter. I want to bring some light in a dark moment for anyone who wants it.

Believe me, none of this is easy and I’m working very hard.

I’m still applying for jobs and praying for a miracle at this point. But, guys, you can be my miracle today. If you’d like to support my dream, now it’s the time. If you don’t find anything you like in my store, feel free to share with someone who may like and give me your feedback, as it can help me to improve my sales. Have in mind, that I’m adding new products daily. https://ladyup.store/shop

If you already have some of my products, please, take 2 min to leave me a review.

If you don’t resonate with anything I said, I still appreciate you for reading this far and wish you truly the best in your life.

So here I am — making myself vulnerable and asking:

Should I give up?

I hope not.

And if this post touched you in any way… maybe you can be the miracle I’ve been praying for.